Scars

They just wheeled our little angel baby in for surgery. Which means we will be on pins and needles for the next six or so hours until she is out.

I keep calling Laila a little warrior, and she is, but after this surgery, she will have a scar to prove it.

Are we terrified for this surgery? Yes.

But, are we eager to get it out, hell yes.

When the tumor was first found, the CT scan showed that her tumor was so large it was taking up over half of her tiny abdomen the size was 12.5 x 10.2 x 10.4 cm.

At that time, the surgeon said that we had to wait for it to shrink before he could safely operate.

So, while we originally thought surgery at six weeks was the best case, the sobering part is that the size of the tumor did not decrease as we had hoped, in fact it grew and is now 14.0 x 10.3 x 15.4 cm. Which makes this a much riskier and more serious surgery than anticipated. The tumor “obliterated” her kidney and is no longer encased in anything so there is a concern for tumor spillage.

The fact that it grew, makes it more pressing to take out ASAP as that means it is not responding to chemo and it is causing all of her abdominal bodily functions to become impacted.

We have all the confidence in the world in her amazing medical team, and know that the recovery is not going to be easy, but again at least the tumor will be out.

In the end, she will never remember this stage, or her surgery, but she will be reminded of it when she sees the scar that will stretch the entire length of her belly. As she grows I hope she embraces it. Not as a reminder of what she went through, but as a reminder that she can do and overcome absolutely anything.

If any of you are Top Chef fan’s like we are, I always admire how Padma proudly displays the scar on her arm. That is her battle wound from saving her mother’s life in a car accident - amazing. She does not try to hide or cover it. She is proud and it gives her character and is a daily reminder of her strength.

Laila will have a scar from her battle with cancer. So, I think scars are cool. And I hope our little warrior does too.

She is the bravest little person I know.

And now we wait....