Roadmap

For those of you who are fellow Peloton riders, you know that at the beginning of each ride, most instructors (at least Robin and Alex) lay out the “road map” for the class.

I need that road map because It helps me plan out how I approach the ride, when to push, when to pull back, etc. And, having the road map helps set me up for success.

I don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing what is ahead.

With Laila’s treatment we also have a roadmap in the form of a 28-week treatment plan that includes weekly chemo “intervals,” surgery and then more chemo and radiation to until we reach the end of the 28 weeks.

With every milestone we conquer, it is a really meaningful check mark in my head. Today's treatment marks week five of chemo.

Check.

And next week is week six, her biggest milestone yet.

Following Laila's sixth chemo session next Wednesday, she has a CT scan scheduled for Thursday, the 18th. The outcome of that scan determines the next path of our road map.

If the scan shows that her tumor shrunk enough and/or that it has shifted away from her aorta, she will have surgery to remove her tumor and kidney on June 22.

Huge.

If it hasn’t shrunk enough, we continue on with six more weeks of chemo and she will get checked again at 12 weeks.

For my sanity, I am very focused on the 18th and 22nd. I want the tumor out of her, like yesterday. Yes, we still continue with chemo and radiation treatments after surgery, but knowing that the tumor is out will give me at least half of my peace of mind back.

However, I am also nervous about getting my hopes up and it not being able to come out on the 22nd.

The uncertainty is killing me and for me, that is not a comfortable place to be.

#LailaStrong